Mei nahi ruk paya…

An opus…i inscribed…after unexpectedly catching sight of mishap of instantaneous demise …and on further exploration I found him to be loved one ;who belongs to one of my companion…and it was very strenuous to trust this …and its kind of eldritch feeling when you are aware of someone and you see him as a person when expired…

So here it is…

Kuch baatein thi abi unkahi

Abi thi kuch khwaahishein adhuri si…

Kuch khwaab bhi the poore krne ko

Mei soch raha tha ek wqt sahi unhe poori krne ko…

Tmhe khush rkhne ki jo aadat thi meri…

Mene socha tha sb saari khushia ek sahi wqt pr laakr dunga

Par afsoos h mje ab wo wqt nahi aane wla

Mei rukta pr nahi ruk paya……

Tm krna mat intezar mera

Wo saare khwaab ab khuda se batlaaunga

Poori krne wo ab nayi saansein lekr aaunga

Mei rukta pr nahi ruk paya….

Maa tu har roj jo mjhe daanti thi

Ab wo shor tham sa jayega

Papa ka haath btaane afsoos ab

Mera hath nahi aayega

Mei rukta pr nahi ruk paya…

© Ksha’s blog. .

Dengue:My another life

It was a further friday in my life…and i was oblivious of the fact that it is not going to be identical anymore …it was october and habitually i was so damn exhilarated for my birth anniversary ..as it was approaching at full pace…

I was watching one of my regular reality shows and had a feeling of shivering …and as the night was advancing i was feeling chills through my body and massive migraines…i was not able to shut my eyes…i didnt had my supper that night and was hunching so low…

Called my matriarch and she found that i had pyrexia…she gave me cold bandage to make me feel comforted …i slumbered around 11 pm and woke straight at 12 am ….i had hungers pangs and grabbed some cookies …and soon afresh i was impressing cold more severely than before and i had almost all the blankets of the home…to cover myself up and it was not fuctioning….and my head was aching like i m gonna burst or something. ..

It was 5am …wen i felt terribly wrong…i was foreboding so nauseatic…and i vomited …all that i had late night…i felt relieved and matriarch gave me sort of saltwater and kneaded my head and i slept…later on…around 9 am again i had that nauseatic feeling and vomited water …and had backdoor trots at the same time….When we comprehended its more than just pyrexia we went to the doctor and he said its just fever because of the altering weather and there is zilch to fret about and i can have only fruits and light food…we were convinced and returned home…

After having fruits and medicines he prescribed me…i lied down soon after 5 minutes i vomited each and every damn thing out..and this hour it happened with so much force….it made me infirm…as not a thing was lingering at core of me…i was losing energy…we thought this medication isnot working and we should refer to another doctor ….i had nothing ..not even water to feel better. …we moved to this doctor and as we were waiting for our turn to meet him…chills ran through me once anew and i was loosing my patience and was sobbing and embracing my mother, hoping things will get better soon…

As we proveeded to his cabin…he saw me…and checked all my vitals…i had my blood pressure low…temperature of 104 degree Celsius and he doubted if i had dengue …and after watching my condition ..as i was grasping my head and whimpering….ravenous….grievous headache…he wrote several tests and asked my mom for quick admission at hospital…and gave some medicines…

At that point..as soon as i made it to home…i lost consciousness and was so worried at my state ..we went to hospital and as soon as they got me …i got vigo inserted and it all started..they had my blood samples…and it was not confirmed that it is dengue…so we preferred to go back home…as my father was out for job …so we assured to wait for him till the very next day….later that night my father arrived and afresh in the beforenoon…i had that vomit routine…my body wasnot undertaking anything…i lost consciousness again…and we rushed to the hospital…report said it was positive. ..i lost my blood platelets to 50 thousand and i got admitted…

I was so much in agony…head and it also affected my chest …i had chest pain commenced ..the very second day…i was given various liquids through vigo and medications…i didnt recalled those several hours i slept…out of the effect of ramifications of medications…

They use to draw my blood sample each day…and i was there for ten days….actual supervision of my vitals and medication was taken…i had total of nine injections per day…three through vigo and six on my butts…it was the most gut-wrenching time at hospital…my platelets reduced to 32 thousands on 3 or 4 th day at hospital…and i sustained severe heartache and it was not going away…may be because of the gastric troubles or anything ..i was in liquid diet for consecutive 3, 4 days…so they had my ECG done..fortunately it was all perfect. .my bp was all low these days…

At 4th day , we got report of that particular day; doctors took my parents out of my room and said platelets are constantly reducing and reduced to around 15 thousand and i need to get blood platelets as soon as possible..i had agitation in walking ..as my stomach was like swollen up…chest paining and patient diet with no taste and medicines ;my both hands injected with vigo . ..at this point my body got red acne rashes like thing and i faced hassle in breathing….i broke and that day i lamented like anything…embracing my mother…all the discomfort came up like anything.. it took so much to regain my patience back…it took three persons to donate blood so that i could get those required platelets..and i thank those men in my life for saving me…my body consumed eight units of blood platelets and those two days i was partially conscious….i was made to drink papaya leaves extract and goat ‘s raw milk …and honestly it sucked like anything….i vomitted 2;3 times having them…as i was having troubled breathing ….doctors suggested to shift me to ICU..and I couldnt bear that…to be alone there. ..so they suggested me mask to easy my breathing….i was given IvF fluids…

Days passed of insomaniac painful nights and it healed…i began to feel that hunger thing….desired to eat and feel better …..it took atleast ten days for my hands injected to heal…and my other injections still do pain…as i had atleast eighty injections all total. ..injected…..i was discharged on the 10th or 11th day…It was my dengue story…you never know what is coming into your life…but there is one thing for sure….your parents adore you and your every breath is mandatory for those who adore you…those who love you, stimulate you to be stronger not only just by staying by your side but from miles away…you are not sanctioned to lose hopes and audacity to face things in your life…you are born strong …things like viruses can make you feel literally painful and fragile but its your will not to give up and strive hard for living and loving…There are dreams left to seeThere are breathes left to breathThere are things left to be doneHave forbearance ,have spine…© Ksha’s blog

Beat your acne…

I don’t know from where it all commenced and how i become a casualty so encircled by it…and it blemished me in evry possible ways…

Many of you might be agonized with any forms of acne…pimples ….and the grounds behind them are multitudinous…alike pollution a foremost important reason and others are allergies,hypersensitivity, aversions…sunlight and health controversy…

And in my illustration as i recall….my skin launched initially when i hit my puberty and they were unexceptional like compact one and not like anything vexatious ….they were minuscule , teensy-weensy and they almost vanished after somedays….

Subsequently ….they emerged and disappeared. ..as i have got very responsive,delicate dermis….so it was very conventional for me to get it when i went out without any mask on…or if i catnap without my skin cleansed…vaguely did i perceived that the quantum of oil i am devouring is going to hit me tough…as i am junk freak and i yearn Indian cuisine and of course junk spice and oil….and pizza not to neglect…..

All these became a meticulous part of my life and i didnot know when and how….i fell into a sternly worse trauma …and it influenced me mentally …physically…and socially …..

I went through a surgery and thereafter that i faced a hell loadsa acne…i dont sense whether it was the medications infecting me or my lifestyle …i was numb at that point of life….and..it went like…single acne and then two and a night i dozed and the next morning it was like all over my front as if some one has escalated it all over….and not only this they were filled with blood and pus …and in a day they ooze for almost half of the day….face prevailed red and swollen it was excruciating like very throbbing. ..

The thing is when you undergo such phase you actually donot sense what to do…you watch several youtube vedios …several remedies …diys …and what not…people advocate you several things and you come across questions like..ohh what happend beta??

And society torcher you more with utterance …you stand in a position where you donot know how to face the world..it became extremely inflexible for you to face yourself…and make yourself understand that things are going to be ohkay…as every complication has its solution…you need to be patient but at that point of time patience doesn’t seems to be in you…as you always seek for a way to get rid of the things…you feel ugly,frustrated,depressed , exasperated and low at confidence…you are tarnished socially,mentally,physically..

Ohkay,so …how i cured my acne?? …i applied an ointment called as retinol-A (0.05%)….and when i started using this i was having acne vulgaris the superlative of acne…and how this functions??

So,it has its own way..it gives you furthermore acne ..as it pulls out the acne which are embedded at core of your dermis and might pop out later…you need patience of atleast a month to observe actual upshots…and it works…it worked for me..

It is a phase that many of you might be facing in your lives…you just require to grasp that you are alluring and people who adore you will always love you no matter what and how you look is not a matter of concern for them and they will help you to overcome that situation and persuade , inspire and give you courage to face the world…and the most cardinal thing is YOU…until and unless you are not sturdy enough yo deal with it nobody can help you to do that…every hitch has its solution…you need to understand…see your scars ,it is from the combat you won..#appreciate

and only you know the things ,fear,agony,and ultimate victory..uhh have undergone…you need to be vigorous and tranquil and then you will definitely beat it….

like i did and still a way long to go…..you need to know the foremost hand that is up there to wipe your tears when no one is around belongs to ,you….

stay strong stay healthy. .

©ksha’s blog

ksha’s blog

Lost…

Its another twenty four hour period …sedentary and evaluating about life…sitting with eveyone and among all the noises arounnd you there is a tremendous ocean of thoughts shouting inside you…to do something productive…but you are not authorized to do whatever you want…

but to go according to the stereotypical jobs…and the fact is you try doin that..but every time you try to do according to the things given to you…you just can’t make it like anytng is knocking you down…

When you sit and think about your aspirations …you perceive somewhere that money is all you require and to make money…you need to work…work passionately. .to get a handsome job…but wt to do wen uhh r born wth brilliance but uhh r strayed somewhere. ..and dont find anyone who can give you orchestrations. ..when you are devoid of enlightenment and everything you need for bright hereafter…for a future you aspire for…..

©ksha’s blog

Loyalty

You cannot control someone’s loyalty …I read it somewhere down the social media feed…

What is loyalty then…??

Is that completely opening up the things you had,you have..???

Or is that completely opening up of the thoughts you had,you have??

Or is that things you do when you are unchaperoned…away from those who notice you???

Loyalty is very difficult to find these days,where everyone is just busy in hiding what they really are…what truly they stand for,or what they want to be…??..

Loyalty should be one of the most cardinal human trait…but nowadays it is just a word…with few people standing for it…

When you ask about it….for me it is what you are ….when one give u all the liberty and then what you choose to be…in his absence…what you do …what and how you tell him things that happens to you in his absence…your detailing…your words….is loyalty for him,his faith on you and your keeping of that faith ..is loyalty to him .

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© By Ksha’s blog..

SATAN in YOU…

I am the most indulgent,humane ,aplomb and alluring soul …

the most used falsity  nowadays…

Literally nobody is…

Everyone in this world has a Satan within them…

and I personally feel that it’s good to have this side too..

beacause when people find you serene and frail …

they endup with befooling you…

it’s good to have a person within you that shields the ‘good’ in you…

that shields the ‘you’ in you…

Here I clarify that I am not prattling about ‘all ‘ the devilish and negatives ..

I am talking about the positives in negatives…

Every individual has a Satan within them which awakens at the right time…

m articulating about the devil that guards the angel within you….

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© By Ksha’s blog..

Should I tell YOU??

Should I apprise you how it perceives,

Should I tell you how it feels to repress so much and not competent to divulge,

Should I tell you that i am nay dat shoddy,

Should I tell you I am confined,

Should I tell you i collapse to brawl back,

Should I tell you there is noone for me,

Should I tell you nobody gets me,

Should I tell you I am all solitary,

Should I tell you about dark when m lone,

Should I tell you the things dat I never say,

Should I tell you about the heed that u never pay,

Should I tell you sometimes I don’t sense my shortcomings,

Should I tell you what shatter me every single time,

Should I tell you bout the tornadoes within,

Should I tell you about the dreams perishing,

Should I tell you about the agiated me,

Should I tell you about what this optic has seen,

Should I tell you about the every distinguished thing,

Should I tell you bout the blotch in me,

Should I tell you about the chinks in my heart,

Should I tell you bout my shattered soul,

Should I tell you about the audacity of my beam,

Should I tell you about the forlornness in me,

Should I tell you about things you don’t want to observe,

Should I tell you about every inch in me,

Should I tell you that I have bygonned some me in this peregrinate,

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Should I tell you ?

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© By Ksha’s blog..

Expectations and you…

What are expectations??

Why do we expect???

Is this the core foundation of all the anguish we had??

Expectations are the mental attitude that people have,that exact thing is going to ensue according to their surmised way or that person will do this since i have a perception ,he will do this….

So , the idea of anticipating something is nay advanced,it is as senile as human civilization…and people exercise it since very childhood…

They expect toys ,pampering,tenderness, solicitude..

As they spring… their presuppositions gets intensified from parentage,from life,from themselves too…

I am nay saying that person can anticipate from others only..it can be from oneself…like things we expect from ourselves…and imperfecting in accomplishing those anticipations leads to our collapse and trauma.self-esteem deteriotation and agony…

But it’s an innate trait of anthropoid…either we crave it or not,by some scheme or the other we initiate to presume things from people around us…from ourselves…and at least once we get backstabbed or backbitten..in this course…

It is effortless to say that ,don’t expect things…but can someone really aprise me..how can I live a life without expectations???

Ohkay,I can disregard the world but what to the expectations confined within me…what if other people around me are expecting things from me?? What if I just incapicitate them ??what if I beacame the source of ‘their disolation’?

EXPECTATIONS are like LIFE…because they remain with us as long as we are alive….

We just can not get rid of expectations…

Every morning we expect to have a blissful day ahead…

We expect for felicity

We expect for triumph

We expect for loyalty

We expect for love

We expect for being stronger

We expect for this, that,he ,she,no,yes,why,how……

And what not…

Reality is..we just cannot escape from expectations…but we should learn to master it….we should learn the difference between hope and expectations…give more and expect less that is where ,true quietude lies…

You are only as beautiful

As the many beautiful things

Yo do for others…

Without expectations…

-Janelle Monae

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© By Ksha’s blog..

Life in a CAGE…

She was feeling confined…..

It was nay the dwelling , perturbing her..

nay even the comrades ,

So why she had this notion ??

She was breathing a life where she had everything.

A shade, succulent and luscious sustenance,capital……….then

Why was she agitated??

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She craved “amnesty”

Not dwelling but home

Not comrades but family

Not opulence but exuberance

Not hours but moments

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Consistently kept secrets…

She never expressed….

Because she sensed, she will decipher all by herself…

Because she knew she was meant to bloom…

She is analogous to a bird in cage…behind the golden shank…provided with everything…no matter how much you provide them with endearment….u can never make them euphoric…

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Sometimes things let her to ponder…

What is the point of having pinions,

Ain’t meant to fly??

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© By Ksha’s blog..